Today at the lunch table, my beautiful and intelligent Simon proudly showed the other children how to properly use the middle finger. You know, he flipped them off. He gave them the finger. The bird.

That’s right, my child taught the other children the equivalent of a ‘fuck you.’

I am so proud. My little Simon, he’s learning so much at school. I really can not believe that the angelic and innocent baby that I pushed out of my vagina six years ago is teaching other’s how to give the finger.

Where did I go wrong?

Now in defense of my kid, he claims that another kid *cough cough RILEY cough cough* taught him first. He also claims that he wasn’t pointing it at anybody in particular, just showing the other children how to do it.

I’m not sure I believe his story. As we discussed the incident and consequences, he mentioned that Daddy had already told him that it meant not nice things. So, he already knew that it was naughty and not something to be done at school. And he did it anyway. Apparently Daddy didn’t do that great of a job on the lesson. We do not flip people off.

Mind you, this is the same Daddy that sang a song in the car tonight about loving cold weather and how "I can see Mama’s temperature gauges all night long." Simon, of course, joined right in the singing too. ‘CAUSE SINGING ABOUT HIS MOTHER’S NIPPLES IS APPROPRIATE WHEN ONE IS SIX YEARS OLD.

Somedays I feel like I am the mother to THREE children (Simon, Bennett and Matt ) instead of just two. I guess I really am the luckiest Mom in the world. You know the saying TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE?

Well around here It’s THREE FOR THE PRICE OF TWO. I pushed two out my vagina and wound up with three kids.

Maybe someday I can anticipate the joy of having a beautiful little girl.

I bet she’ll never give anybody the bird.


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