I always hate the "after" post. What topic should touch the one before? Do I continue on or change the subject? What I wrote on Tuesday doesn’t make me proud. It doesn’t even make me pleased. I don’t feel like a better mother or a happier person because I wrote about the struggle of holding it all together.
I wrote about how I lost control with Simon. I did. I lost control and got really angry.
And I think part of the reason I got so angry is because Simon can/will/does drive me up the wall sometimes. (The other reason is an unhappy little thing called PMS.) (But we don’t need to talk about that. Do we?) Ahem. Simon repeats himself. He bounces. He disobeys. He tells stories that never end. He teases his brother. He gets louder if ignored. He splashes in the tub. He spills his milk. He never wants to eat supper. He is always hungry. He watches too much TV. He wants to pick out his own clothes. He never ties his shoes. He walks slowly. He runs without looking.
But wait. There’s more.
He is grouchy in the morning. He hates school. He can’t wait to grow up. He won’t eat in certain restaurants. He is impatient. He jumps down the last five stairs (every single time). He chases the dog. He grabs things from his brother. He worries. He is afraid of sirens, loud noises, the dark, police cars, tornadoes, seat-belts, and dentists. He wants his Daddy. He wants attention. He wants me.
He wants me and my attention now. By the way, is now the time when I admit that I spend way too much time on the computer? I do. I spend too much time on the computer. So, I’m setting some boundaries with my computer time.
Here are the rules: 45 minute email, blog, facebook check in the morning. After this time, I am going to shut all tabs. No drive-by F5ing. While Bennett is napping, the computer is fair-game. After nap time commences, the tabs are shut down again. No refreshing. No checking my email as I walk by the computer. My goal is to engage and enjoy my time with both Simon and Bennett. If Simon wants to watch cartoons? Fine. I will too without the computer in my lap.
And maybe, just maybe if I listen the first-time, Simon wouldn’t have to repeat himself.
Now that we’ve had this discussion, let’s change the subject. Okay?