For Sale

For Sale: 2 and 1/2 years old. Male. Answers to Ben, Benny, Bennett, Brother, and Stink-butt.  

Likes to be on the go. Enjoys sitting rear-facing while going to the library, to pick up his brother, to the indoor pool, to the mailbox, to the play gym, and to Gigi’s house. Does not enjoy long car rides, errands, grocery-store trips, or trips to the bank. Also, afraid of strange places and new people but warms up quickly when offered food (preferably sweet.) Will not get dressed to meet new people. Enjoys footy pajamas all day long.

Talks well for a slowly developing  2 year old boy. Repeats self-often, "WHAT YOU DOING, MOM?" "WHERE BROTHER GO?" "I DON’T LIKE IT. I NOT LIKE (insert noun here.)" Occasionally throws out longer sentences in the smallest voice ever. For example, "I GO SWIM WITH MOM. I GET MY HAIR WET." and "TURN TV ON PEEZE. I WATCH MICKEY." Best suited for a young couple that hears well while simultaneously being able to ignore incessant whining.

Does not eat red meats, fruits, or vegetables. Likes a varied diet of spagetti-o’s, crackers and peanut butter, chicken with honey "MORE HONEY PEEZE," dry cereal, and chocolate pudding. With tolerate frozen waffles, yogurt, pancakes, and milk. Loves pop-tarts, Oreo’s, M&Ms, and peanut butter on a spoon.  Does not eat on command. Will not perform for food. Does not respond to bribery.


Spends time destroying Lego sets, wrestling, making action noises with toy figures, watching TV, coloring on walls with marker, being OCD about train sets, and washing hands. Can be subdued with Elmo, Fireman Sam, and/or the Sprout or PBS channel.

Must be read 18 books before nap and bedtime in order to fall asleep. Also, when sleeping needs orange blankey, brown blankey, green blankey and Mr. Bear. Likes to hold hands while falling asleep and while singing The Wheels on the Bus. Sleeps best next to another person. Naps everyday alone for 2+ hours. Slightly OCD when it comes to sleeping and blanket placement.

Gives great hugs and sloppy kisses. Misses you when you’re gone. 


Cries infrequently. Most commonly: while washing hair, when annoyed by older brother, when getting a haircut, when told NO, when face is washed, when offered healthy food (see above), and when he wakes up alone. Prefers female company. Not potty trained but showing signs of interest. Likes to be held at all times. Weighs in at 28 lbs (25%) and 35 inches long (25%). 


FINAL PRICE: $87,293,959,510.98 (Paypal only) or OBO. Serious inquires only. Call Audrey for more details. Or email for more pictures and/or with questions. Shipping is extra.

Hope to hear from you soon! Interested parties should bring sweet stuff.


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