Magic cantaloupe

I’m afraid to talk about it, less things change dramatically, but I have unprecedented news:


I know, I know. It’s early. I’m only six weeks pregnant (5 weeks and 6 days at the moment but you probably won’t read this until tomorrow) but HOT DAMN do I feel good. I haven’t been nauseated. I haven’t had any aversions. I haven’t thought about gagging. I was barely functioning at this time with Bennett. I can’t really remember how it was with Simon. It was eight years ago. Give me a break. Besides, I was in a state of denial. Pregnant? At age 20? While living in the sorority house? OH, THE SHAME.

In fact, I keep googling ‘pregnancy symptoms’ just in case this whole thing isn’t really happening. Quick! Pinch me so that I can wake up but just don’t touch my boobs. Cause, dude? They hurt. I’ve been sleepy too. Taking naps with Bennett and going to bed early.
It’s glorious, really. To be pregnant without feeling like I’m pregnant.

As for some bad news, I weighed myself yesterday. I am FIFTEEN POUNDS away from my highest weight, ever. I weighed 150 lbs on the day I gave birth to Bennett. (An aside: I practically told you how much we make on Monday. I might as well tell you how much I weigh. Me? I hold nothing back. Would you like my social security number as well? Also! I wasn’t kidding either. You want to come to the birth? All women are welcome.) ANYWAYS, I’m pretty sure it’s not going to take me long to pass by that number. I am also already feeling like my pants are too tight but that is nothing new. (See paragraph #6, sentence #2. FIFTEEN POUNDS.)

Whatever. I can deal with anything because I am NOT BENT OVER THE TOILET PUKING OUT MY GUTS.

My secret is cantaloupe. My midwife told me to eat one a day. I don’t know why but it’s working. Every morning, Matt makes me a smoothie using the blender we got as a wedding gift. Seven years of bliss and the thing hasn’t been used until this week.

So, there you have it. If my fate changes tomorrow, don’t fret. I’ll be sure to let you know. And if it does change?  KNOW THAT THERE WILL BE SCREAMING and maybe a little bit of crying but MOSTLY SCREAMING.



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