Birth plan

I am having a hard time writing a birth plan. Why? ‘Cause it’s complicated. A long time ago, I mentioned that we might have a home birth. Well, home birth is off the table due to insurance reasons and the cost. (Which is totally unfair but I’m not going there today.)

Since I can’t have my home birth, is there a reason to go through natural childbirth? Is it all for the glory of saying I did it? Is it so that I can shout, "I gave birth without pain medication. Hear me roar!" Yes, I know I could do it. Yes, I am strong enough. Yes, epidurals have risks. Yes, I believe that birth is 100% safe. But if it ain’t broke, why fix it? 

My previous epidurals turned me into party mode. We had so much fun waiting for the birth of Simon and Bennett. There was no pain. There was no screaming. I didn’t get sick. I didn’t have any complications. We laughed and joked while patiently waiting. It was awesome. I welcomed everyone into the room to watch. 

 
So, I don’t really know what I want for labor and delivery. Here’s a "maybe plan," pending I decide to go naturally. 
  
Labor
I want the freedom to walk, move, and change positions throughout the duration of my labor.
I want to take fluids and food by mouth.
I want minimal exams. (Please keep your hands out of my vagina.)
I do not want an IV unless medically necessary.
I do not want constant fetal monitoring or internal fetal monitoring.
Once pushing begins, I would like to pick my position. (Squatting, standing, hands and knees, etc.)

(Doesn’t that sound so dirty?)

Pain Medication
If you offer me medication, anesthesia, or an epidural, I will probably say yes. Please don’t offer them to me.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE MY MIND AT ANY TIME. SHOULD I BECOME A RAGING, OUT OF CONTROL BITCH, BRING ON THE EPIDURAL AND IGNORE THE PREVIOUS. All that follows, however, remains.

Delivery
I do not consent to an episiotomy. I prefer to tear naturally.
The baby is to be placed directly on my chest after delivery.
I would like all evaluations to be done from my chest and to begin breastfeeding immediately.
Please wait for the umbilical cord to stop pulsating before it is clamped. Matt will then cut the cord.

After Delivery
I do not consent to enthromycin eye ointment.
I do not consent to any vaccinations. We will be delaying at this time.

Breastfeeding
I will be breastfeeding. Do not give my baby any pacifiers or bottles.
I do NOT want any formula samples, even if they are included in supposed "breastfeeding success kits." These kits are intended to undermine a woman’s confidence in her ability to breastfeed and I will not support it.

Finally, pending the baby is healthy, we will be rooming in together. No separations. No exceptions.

~~~~
Special thanks to the May2011 LJ community. Their words and ideas helped me write this.

 
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