Big boys. Small worries.

I get asked frequently how "The Bigs" (read: Simon and Bennett) are adjusting to their new baby sister.

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The transition from big brother to biggest brother and baby to big brother has been incredibly easy. The Bigs really don’t care. No, seriously. They don’t pay any attention to Cora at all. They don’t ask to hold her. They don’t change diapers. (They are great at fetching diapers though.) They don’t touch her or mess with her ever. Bennett hasn’t regressed and turned into a baby. He doesn’t wet the bed. Simon is completely indifferent to the entire ordeal.

I suppose I should be thankful. I should count it as a blessing that they don’t even notice when she’s crying. I should be grateful that I don’t have to worry about leaving her unattended around them.  However, how I should feel and how I do feel are two very different things. The grass is always greener on the other side, yes? 

I would be lying if I didn’t say that it hurts (just a little) that they aren’t interested. Mostly it hurts when they (Simon) go to Daddy to meet their needs instead of coming to me for help. I know. I know. They are boys. And big boys too. Simon has been this way from the beginning.

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I am full of disbelief when I think about the fact that Simon is almost eight years old. I’ve been doing this Mom gig for eight years. His height, the things he knows, the funny stuff that comes out of his mouth. It catches me by surpise. This child that clearly prefers his father. This child that has to be bribed in order to hold his new baby sister. This child who laughs and screams with delight. 10 more summers is all he has left wih us.

Is it nature or is it nurture? Will boys be boys? Are they so full on a summer high that they can’t be bothered to slow down? Will Cora be any different? Does it truly matter who our children call out for in the night as long as someone answers?  Is my love not great enough?

These are the questions and worries that keep me awake at night. These are the answers that I don’t have.

So when you ask me, "How are the boys adjusting?"

I will smile and answer that they are doing great. My big boys are great.

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