When we went out to Great Bend this past weekend, the big boys (Simon, Roan, and Rowdy) happened to find a nudie magazine. Imagine three, small, and completely (well, mostly) innocent eight year old boys locked in the bathroom with WIDE EYES and the ultimate forbidden fruit: a copy of Playboy magazine.
I'm sorry? What's that you say? We suddenly have pre-adolescent boys in our family? OH, SHUT UP.
The giggles about what they discovered just wouldn't stop. Hilarious! Except if you are the Mother who is about to literally die from embarrassment because your precious, adorable baby son is using words like "balls" and "naked girls" and "suck" very loudly and crassly all while in front of his Great-Grandmother who, fortunately, can't hear a lick and thus missed the whole exchange. Then it's not really funny. Ok, FINE. Maybe it's a little bit funny now but it wasn't then.
Rest assured, I flipped my shit out in the car on them as we pulled out of the driveway. Things like NASTY and INAPPROPRIATE and HOW COULD YOU rushed out of my mouth while my ashamed eyes bored holes into theirs. Unfortunately, Matt was not with us and oh, how I wish he had been because I did not handle the situation well at all. Mostly I was shocked at the language Simon used and the manner in which he chose to ask about the magazine. Sadly, I feel as though this first exchange of Simon openly asking questions was not a very good one. Which is honestly all well and good with me because HA, HA NOT IT on the next time the subject of naked ladies comes up.
Let it also be known that if Simon later leads a life full of sexual promiscuity, we can fully blame his Uncle Ryan. Immediately upon hearing about the incident, he promptly texted and offered to purchase Simon his very own subscription to Playboy. He lamented the fact that he never had a cool uncle growing up.
Sounds good to me, Ryan. Just understand that we get to keep all the free DVDs. Also? When Simon asks any questions, we are totally giving him your phone number.
TAG! YOU'RE IT.