Hi! I’m back?

Lately this place here at House of Pool (H.O.P) hasn’t felt like a safe place to share, and so I avoid coming here to write. I don’t want to lie and make everything peachy, especially when it’s not. But I don’t want to share just the highlight reel of my life either. Our lives, unfortunately, aren’t perfect.

The truth is, well, life has SUCKED lately. The kids are fine. My marriage is wonderful. All our bills are paid. We both have jobs.

But.

Have you ever wanted something so badly for another person? Something that would mean amazing things? And yet, despite prayers and wishes and dreams and rain dances and good vibes and pennies thrown into fountains- the thing still didn’t happen? I am so very sad. The thing isn’t my secret to share and so I can’t reveal any details but my heart hurts in such a way that I can’t even describe.

I wish I could say more but I can’t. So I’ll say it again: I am so very sad. For them.

Secondly, I had an opportunity that I missed. It would have meant big things for my own life and my own happiness. Clearly it wasn’t meant to be, but it still hurts. Unfortunately, I can’t say any more because I don’t know who is all reading here. (And that, friends, is a really big bummer.)

I wish I could say more but I can’t. So I’ll say it again: I am so very sad. For me.

Now you know why I haven’t been here. Don’t you love excuses? My plan is to take two steps forward and to remember to count my blessings. I have an AMAZING husband, the cutest kids ever (seriously have you seen them?), and a perfect house. I’m also telling myself that it’s okay to not always get what you want. Just like it’s okay to be sad every once in a while.

Besides, the sad times just make the good times even better.

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5 thoughts on “Hi! I’m back?

  1. I’m sad you’re sad, too. I definitely have experienced that “it wasn’t meant to be” moment and even though you know it’s OK, it’s still hard. I’m also sad that this space doesn’t feel safe for you. Writing for me is always cathartic. I guess on that note I aught to come clean on my own sadness recently. Huh. Thanks for the push. And I hope you’re less sad today than you were yesterday. And so on.

    • Thanks D! I am feeling better now that I have written it all out. Hope you are feeling better too! September is such a sucky month. I think I need to take up tanning so I keep my Vit. D levels up. Who cares about skin cancer? Right?!?

  2. Well…actually, there’s lots of research that sun is better for you than the fearmongers try to tell you. You need the vitamin D! It’s natural! It’s the sunscreen that’s really screwing things up! All those hippy things I believe in! 🙂

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