Hi, welcome. My name is Audrey Lynne Pool. I generally go by Audrey, Mom, and/or Mama unless I’m in trouble with my husband and then it’s AUDREY LYNNE. My favorite color is blue. I like horses and my social security number is 512-43-5301. Just kidding, Mom! I don’t give out THAT much personal information on the Internet. I do like horses though. Kinda. Maybe.
I’ll have to get back to you on that one.
No topic is safe here. Nothing is taboo. I might talk about my period. (Case in point: WTH, body. Did you not get the message that exclusive breastfeeding is supposed to postpone menstruation?) Or maybe I’ll talk about my neighbors. (But probably not because they are all readers here now!) (Hi, friends!) You can expect mediocre pictures of my children, periodic (read: frequent) whining on my part, inappropriate details of my life, and other pointless stories about my totes! adorable babies with a little bit of whitty banter thrown in for good measure.
I’m not the one with the bow, obviously, but I’m guessing you already figured that out. My butt isn’t really that big either. IT’S THE SWEATER.
Here’s a refresher on the rest of the Pool Party:
Matt, age OLD, is my handsome husband. He’s a f-ing HOT juvenile detention supervisor at the local jail for kids. We like to threaten Simon that if he doesn’t behave, he’ll end up in kid jail too. Matt likes sleeping, reading books about Jesus, gang graffiti, and listening to me talk. He hates yard work, painting the house, when I share inappropriate details on the blog, and tomatoes. I talk about his balls a lot.
Simon, age 9, is my unplanned, born while I was in college, but deeply loved firstborn son. He’s loud, wild, and acts like a typical nine-year old boy. He’s the smartest kid ever and we believe he’s gifted. (Ok, not really but we do hope that he doesn’t end up in kid jail.) Simon likes riding his skateboard, gymnastics, Legos, playing on the iPad, reading, and annoying Bennett. Simon hates his mean mother, homework, vegetables, and being quiet.
Bennett, age 5, is my beautiful baby boy. B spends his time chasing his brother and jumping off high places. He likes eating carbs, tagging along behind Simon, reading books, art projects, dressing like a ninja, Legos, and Simon. (Did I mention that he loves Simon?) He attends preschool three mornings a week. Bennett hates anything considered healthy, tornadoes, t-shirts, and bathing.
Cora Jane, 19 months, is our incredible pink caboose. Born on my birthday, May 15th, she has totally stolen our hearts. She likes boobs, babies, bathtime, big bows, and tagging behind her big brothers. Cora hates being put down, having her bum wiped, and paper diapers.
We’re so glad you’re here. Please stay awhile.